Thursday, March 26, 2015

what to do if you don't know what to do

so, I was desperate and literally feel like shit, yes shit, no censor...
and I just don't know what to do next...
I feel like talking to someone but I don't know how
I don't know who too
I can't just simply burst into tears and talk to anyone I face, right?
or can I?
everything's just don't seem right...

I feel like writing, but my paper always get wet of my tears
so, might just better type it 

I know that I sucks...
I know that I...lame...
and stupid and reckless...
but then, I can't just stop and crying for years right?

so, I have to find a way to help myself, to put an end into this miserable condition I'm in

some people said that we must identify what makes us feeling so
and from there on, we can know how to deal with it

but what if it just too complicated that we don't even know what certain events nor things causing it?

like..we really got no idea of what's really happening on us, we just don't know..
all we feel is desperate

maybe we can find enough courage to talk to someone we know well
to a best friend of ours perhaps?
or to our parents?
or we can just post it to secret?
and talk to stranger about it?

but unfortunately I have no, 
not exactly that I have no though..., 
 I'm just too confuse I don't know where to start

so, with all the confusion, desperation, helplessness
I began to do what we all might can do with no, or least harm
that is..
to Google it

now as I typed it, it must be sounds even more miserable

but for me, it's effective enough for self helping

so first, I just simply type : 'what to do if you're feeling like shit'

on first page first row I found this LINK

it's a web own by the U,S. to actually provide us who get through tough times
it's like helping to prevent suicide, helping us to get out of misery, it has tons of  great articles which could help us to cope with A to Z problems, thank God it appeared first, I don't know what if something bad appeared, could drag me to double devastation I guess, which result in ...

speaking of suicide, as we might know, many people who been though really tough times killed themselves because they think that it will end the problem and they just been too long in extreme desperation
we can't blame them of being reckless and all
maybe they're just so...helpless

and we, wait, I mean, me, and me, who are almost there...
I won't it happen to me nor anyone else, really, it just so bad, we must prevent it to happen

and I'll tell you what I've experienced and how to deal with it

so, continue with the web

I'll just copy and paste it here OK?
so that you can read it carefully, it's really good, it's great!
we can identify what might be going inside us and then we can look for help
check it out:

Life can be rough sometimes, and most people, at one time or another, feel like shit. This can mean different things for different people. It might include feeling sad, angry, stressed out, or fed up. It might also be a sense of not feeling like yourself or feeling physically sick.

Why you might feel like shit

Sometimes it is difficult to work out why you are feeling shitty.  Identifying the factors that are contributing to this feeling might help you to work out how to deal with it. Remember —it’s just a feeling and it’s likely to pass.
Some reasons you might feel shitty:
  • You’ve experienced one or several tough or stressful events;
  • People around you are experiencing tough times. It’s not uncommon for other people’s unhappiness to influence how you’re feeling. This could be because it is hard to see people you care about feeling sad, or because of the way they’re coping with their emotions, they are difficult to be around.
Not being able to identify the reason for how you are feeling is not uncommon.  Factors that might contribute to feeling shitty include:
Psychological factors
  • Stress or anxiety—Stress can come from many different sources, like pressures at school, work or home from parents, teachers and sometimes your friends, or even your own expectations;
  • Grief or loss—This can include the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship or friendship;
  • Depression and other mental illnesses.
Social factors
  • Family problems, like parents going through a divorce or fighting, or transitioning to a step family;
  • Problems at school or work, like bullying or violence;
  • Relationship or friendship problems, like breaking up or fighting with a boyfriend or girlfriend;
  • Moving into a new house;
  • Starting at a new school or job;
  • Living with someone with a mental or physical illness or disease;
  • Feeling bored or uninspired, like over school or summer vacation.
Physical factors
Physical or biological factors might also influence your feelings and reactions as well as how you think about yourself and the world around you. Physical factors might include:
  • Not eating well;
  • Not getting enough exercise;
  • Not getting enough sleep;
  • Using drugs or alcohol;
  • Being sick, or fighting off illness, which can make you feel run down and not well;
  • Chronic illness or other medical conditions;
  • Hormonal changes, especially for women during their menstrual cycles. This may happen a few days before you get your period and you may not make the connection immediately.

What to do if you’re feeling like shit

When you’re feeling shitty, you might have the urge to lash out at someone, even if they had nothing to do with your feelings. Here are some ideas that might stop you from blowing up and help you get to a happier place.
Get informed. Once you figure out what might be causing you to feel shitty, you can do something about it. On the ReachOut site, you’ll find tons of info on different issues, including depression, family and relationships. You’ll also find suggestions on how to manage your feelings and where you can get help.
Talk to someone. Talking to someone you feel comfortable with, like a friend, teacher, parent or counselor, can be a great way of expressing your feelings. These people might also be able to help you identify why you are feeling shitty and work out strategies for dealing with it.
Chill out. Sometimes getting some space away from what is making you feel this way or a change of scenery can be helpful. This might include going for a walk or listening to your favorite music, reading a book, going to the movies, or whatever works for you.
Express your feelings. Writing down your feelings or keeping a journal can be a great way of understanding your current emotions in a particular situation. It can also help you come up with alternative solutions to problems.
Express your feelings in a way that won’t cause bodily damage to yourself or another person.  Try yelling or crying into a pillow, dancing round the room to loud music or punching a pillow.
Post in the forums. You can also share your struggle anonymously in the ReachOut forums here in a non-judgmental space and get support from others who have been where you are and gotten through it.
Get creative. Find things to do to distract yourself from feeling shitty and that get you thinking creatively. This can include drawing a picture, writing a poem, or playing a game. Even though you might not feel like it at first, even a little creativity might be enough to shift your mood.
Take care of yourself. Feeling shitty may be your body telling you it needs to take time out, and pushing yourself physically might just make things worse. Take time out to spoil yourself by doing something that you usually enjoy. Even though you might not feel like it, exercising and eating well can help. Getting plenty of sleep is important, too.
Exercise helps stimulate hormones like endorphins, which help you feel better about yourself. If you haven’t done a lot of exercise before, it might be a good idea to start doing something small a couple of times each week, such as a 15-minute walk or two or three laps in a pool. Visiting your doctor for a regular check up can be a way to make sure there you don’t have any physical health problems.
Avoid drugs and alcohol. Try not to use alcohol or other drugs (including lots of caffeine or other energy-boosting drinks) in the hopes of feeling better. The feeling is usually temporary and the side effects often make you feel worse.

If you need someone to talk to now

Try calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Your Life Your Voice at 1-800-448-3000, run by Boys Town (for everyone).. Both hotlines have trained volunteers ready to listen 24/7.

 not just that, I also found another helpful website, and I thank God again for this
this one is, I usually read it but haven't gone here before, now let me share it to you:

Everyone has times in their life when they feel demotivated, lost, and unhappy. You're in a rut, and you don't know how to get out of it. Life may keep piling it on, but here are a few starting points for how you can climb out of your hole and get back on track.
This is an awfully big topic, so we recently asked you for personal experiences, and you delivered. There were so many great contributions, so thank you to all who told your story. These are all great stories and tips from readers just like you—mixed in with our own tips and strategies—that show you that it's possible to get out of any rut in your life.

Just Do Something, Anything

It's possible you feel stagnant because...well, you are. You wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, and repeat. Sometimes when it feels like you're not going anywhere, you just need something to loosen up the gears. It doesn't matter what it is—many of you recommended volunteering, taking a class, or doing some community service—but if you try something outside of your norm (especially if you learn something), it can go a long way. You can discover something you love, or meet new people that bring a new flavor to your normal day-to-day recipe.
A lot of people feel unhappy because there is nothing in their life that excites them, so it's important to look for it everywhere. Chances are your comfort zone is exactly what's bringing you down. You never know where something will lead you. If something interests you at all, give it a shot. Ken Reynolds did just that:
I decided to be proactive instead of reactive. I had always been fascinated by programming and software engineering, but always dismissed pursuing it in the past because I had convinced myself that I didn't have enough intelligence to do it. Rather than dismiss it again, I signed-up for an account on Codecademy and learned how to write JavaScript… I applied for a position as a Software Engineer at IBM via the encouragement of another close friend. I got the position, I'm learning and growing more than I ever have before, and have achieved one of my wildest dreams, which I never before dreamed was possible. The best thing you can do is simply do something. Anything. Once you do something, don't give up doing it. Ever.
What you do doesn't always have to be big. It can be just one small thing. Think of something that has bothered you for a long time and handle it. Fix a wobbly doorknob, cancel your Netflix subscription, or make an appointment you've been putting off. The sense of accomplishment will get you moving again.
hat's important is that you're making a move. You're taking control, no matter how small the action seems, and proving to yourself that you have the power to change how you feel. Join a local sports league, take up crochet, try a food you've never had before, or take an impromptu trip over the weekend. Just pick something—whatever you're feeling—and go for it.

Look for Support Anywhere You Can

You might think you're a rock, but the truth is that nobody can do everything on their own. Reach out and find somebody that will listen to you, give you advice, or even force you out of the house. No matter how alone you think you are, you're not. Piccles's says this is the key to feeling better about your life:
People. It's all about the people in your life. I guarantee there is someone, somewherethat cares about you. I ended up reconnecting with some friends from college that I hadn't seen much in the last couple years, and those friendships are what gave me the strength to keep going and move forward with my life. Having people around you that legitimately care about you, want to spend time with you, and want to see you succeed, can make a huge difference.
Seek out family, friends, or perhaps even a coworker to chat. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. If you think you might be depressed, it's even more important that you seek help. Depression is a struggle that can keep you down more than any rut, but it doesn't have to stay like that. The way you feel is completely valid, but when you're depressed there's more going on than simple unhappiness.
Get professional help, and keep in mind that checking in on your mental health should be just as essential as checking in on your physical health. There is always some way to talk to somebody, even if you can't afford it.
You can also seek out higher powers, if that's your cup of tea. Religion can provide strength through powerful ideals and beliefs, as well as through social aspects. Commenterjasonthedudley got through some troubled times of his own with the support religion can provide:
I began a downward spiral that closely resembled waste spiraling down the tubes. A few years later I found myself homeless and not where I imagined myself to be as a child. Having literally come to my wits end, I called on Jesus Christ to help me, and if He really was who He claimed to be He could get me out of the mess I was in.
Of course, there's always strength to be found in words as well. Maybe a particular passage from a book or a quote that gives you the jump start you need. Fiona2393 finds strength in a speech:
In the midst of a mild depression/rut, I came across the response Gene Kranz, a well-respected higher-up in Mission Control, gave to his team after losing three astronauts in a launchpad fire… I've gone back to those two paragraphs more times than I can count. Acknowledging that I screwed up somewhere in my life, and that I have plenty of work to do to 'fix' it, is half the battle.
Whatever it is that suits you, you need support from time to time. It's not easy to ask for it, but the people in your life don't want to see you unhappy. So reach out for something—people, religion, inspiring words—grab it tight, and start to move forward.

Get Exercising

There are a lot of great reasons to exercise, but there's never a better time than when you're in a rut. You'll boost your confidence, de-stress your weary mind, get better sleep, and you'll have more energy to do the things you actually care about. Translation: you'll be happier.
It doesn't have to be crazy when you start out. Something as simple as taking a walk for 25 minutes a day can get you moving and give you a change of pace. Commenter pdxwhy decided to start walking just for some time to think:
I started walking for fitness and then became an enthusiast for race walking. Doing this allowed me to really think and just be present. Walking allowed me to meditate and pray and literally be those important first steps to a better life.
I always tell people to take a walk and think things through.
If you're looking for a bigger shift in gear, set an exercise goal for yourself. Scott Thigpen aimed for a big one:
...there was a movie on the background called "Ride the Divide" which is a documentary about an event called "The Tour Divide," one of the toughest mountain bike races in the world. I said "Well that sounds like a good goal." And for two years I worked little by little training and building on that (and actually using the principles in GTD and applying them to Mountain biking).
On June 14th, 2013 I started the race against 160+ people from around the world. Needless to say, I'm not in a rut anymore...
Of course, you don't have to take on the toughest bike race in the world. As long as you get yourself moving, you'll feel more in control and ready to handle the things squeezing the life out of you. Find a sport, hobby, or routine you'll want to stick to and you'll feel better in no time.

Make Changes In Your Life, Big or Small

For a lot of people who feel stuck, there is a certain thing in their life that's weighing them down. It could be where you live, your job, or even a specific person that sucks the happiness out of you (or even all three). Take a little time to think about the aspects of your life andidentify what might be a source of negativity that needs to change.
If your job is what's making you unhappy you don't necessarily have to quit. The simple change of setting boundaries between work time and personal time can help. Commenterangrygreycatreads felt dissatisfied with work, but found a way to make it better:
I can't quit my job, however I have found that by setting some clear boundaries, not letting work bleed into my personal life the way that it was and doing more things I like (especially immediately after work) "Nope, leaving on time going to a yoga class" has helped considerably.

With boundaries in place, you'll have more free time. You could use that free time to lounge around and recharge, or—as commenter scarlet.pirate suggests—schedule your free time like it's a second job:
I had to WORK on it. So hanging out with friends was like scheduling meetings or client visits—instead of being passive, you end up being very active. Instead of "well I guess they didn't text me back" you start to take ownership. When is best for you? Hey I haven't heard back, are we still on? (People are weird; say, "you want to hang out sometime?" and it'll never happen. Say, "are you free this Friday after work?" and you start a discussion.)
Sometimes a simple change can turn things around, but other times a change of a much larger magnitude is required. Maybe there is someone in your life that is nothing but negative. As difficult as it is, cutting that person out of your life is what it takes. Your environment could be affecting you as well. Commenter edenn1423 was in need of a change bad enough to go with the nuclear option:
Moved out of the "destination" city that had a crap job and crap relationship. Just dropped everything and left. 3 years later, I make twice as much money for 90% less work, bought a house, have a baby on the way, and quit drinking myself into oblivion every night. Best decision ever.
Sometimes the change you need to make is all in your mind, in your way of thinking. Have you ever considered that maybe things aren't as bad as you think? It's possible that you are just looking at everything too "glass half empty." Commenter Reboot decided to take responsibility for what was happening:
I felt - and spoke "I have a black cloud over me." One day, I realized that bad things weren't just happening to me. I was causing them. When I took responsibility for my life and stopped making excuses, things turned around. It wasn't easy but I put myself back on track. I made choices that resulted in the "bad things" and once I decided to re-think those choices, the bad things went away. Sort of. Bad stuff still happens. But you control your own happiness. If you let life happen to you. It will be over before you know it.
There's no better time to try and adjust your mindset than when you feel like you're out of control. Remember, nothing will change unless you take action. You're in control of who you spend your time with, what you do with your time, where you live, how you think about things, and even where you work to some extent. A simple change in any of those things can give you the perspective adjustment you need.
There's no right answer to getting out of a rough patch because everyone's situations are completely different, but hopefully some of these ideas can be a launchpad for you. If anything, take these stories and tips as proof that it's possible to overcome even the lowest lows of life.

 And, last but not least:

If Everything Sucks For You Right Now

Sometimes everything sucks. It just does. You’re exhausted. You’re stressed. You’re down on yourself and you’re down on everyone else and nothing you’ve done has made you feel proud or excited or enthusiastic or even anything. Your greatest accomplishment has been emptying out your Hulu queue. Everything you write sucks. Everything you do sucks. You’ve resigned yourself to a life of mediocrity, because, maybe you could be the best at being average. Or the best at sucking the least. New goal: be the best at sucking the least.
Then, you do that thing which you’re never supposed to do, but you do it anyway because, hey, you’re already down here in the pit of your self-loathing, why not make this pit even less hospitable? You feel ashamed about everything sucking. You feel like, wait, shouldn’t I know how to not feel this way? You start feeling guilty, like, you should be able to un-suck your life and now the fact that you can’t is making you feel even worse. You’ve pretty much just dug a hole inside the hole you were already in. Fun times!
So, you spend a day or two collecting evidence, like you’re Sherlock Holmes trying to crack the case of why you are The Worst. You overthink. You overanalyze. You remember Debbie back in the 5th grade and why was Debbie so awful to you? You remember all your past transgressions, your assumed failures, everything that can burrow you deeper into this hole comes to the forefront of your mind. You start to understand the full weight of when people say you are your own worst enemy, because yes and because right now and because you are, you really just are.
And then, you go on Facebook (terrible idea) or Twitter (worst idea) or Instagram (the actual worst idea) or you go outside (maybe a better idea) and you think, wait, why is everyone ok and why am I not ok? You start to develop a kind of weird embarrassment around the fact that things suck right now and, on top of things sucking, you are also being a total asshole to yourself. You think, I am the only person in the world who cannot get it together. Everyone has it together, except me. What is wrong with me? Am I okay? Do I need help? That latent shame becomes full-on shame. It’s palpable shame now. And, you’re convinced you are the only person in the world who doesn’t do all the things they know is good for them, who breaks promises to themselves, who goes and goes and goes until they’re exhausted and broken, who tries to be the best by being the most of anything. You’re the only person in the world struggling to understand relationships, to balance friendships, to catch a breath, to learn to budget, to learn to cook, to do everything and be everything all at the same time. You’re the only person who is trying to do everything and be everything while having the feeling you should already know how to do and be those things already.
To all that. To you. To those who are struggling and then, to those, who are struggling because they are struggling. You are not alone. You are living and living is messy and it’s weird and you can be in the fog for a very long time until it clears. It could be nothing, it could be something, it could be everything. You don’t know. But, you are not alone. In the darkened corners of your mind, you may think you are. You may think everyone has it figured out and you’re the one left behind. Don’t believe it. That is not capital t Truth. That is the small voice in your mind who is being a total asshole to you.
Breathe. Have a cup of tea or some hot chocolate. Do something which you know brings your soul alive, if only for a moment. All the moments you have lived in have brought you exactly to this moment. And, while this moment might completely suck for you and all your moments have brought you to what you think is the truth of how much you suck, then, well, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there. We’ll all be there again. You’re not broken. You are, simply, alive.

and some powerful quotes too ;)

hope this may help you, may help us!
have a great day!
the storm won't last forever!
you're a diamond, yes you are!

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Why do we hate? Is it good or bad? how do we deal with it?

Halo semua!
Semoga hari Minggunya indah ya ;)
Kali ini saya akan membahas sesuatu yang tentunya menarik (paling tidak ini menarik bagi saya sendiri hahaha)
Yaitu, tentang kebencian
Mengapa kita membenci?
Sebenarnya, apa sih itu benci?
Kalau kalian cari di kamus, benci terdefinisikan sebagai berikut : perasaan tidak suka, tidak senang yang teramat sangat pada sesuatu/seseorang
Wah, kok lebay ya? Sampe segitunya?
Nah, sebagai manusia yang kaya akan perasaan, tentunya bisa jadi kita semua pernah merasakan benci pada sesuatu atau seseorang
Sayapun juga demikian hehe, it’s normal
Tapi pernahkah kalian benar-benar memikirkan alasan yang logis akan kebencian kalian terhadap sesuatu atau seseorang tersebut?
Dan pernahkan kalian memikirkan apa yang kalian dapatkan dari kebencian kalian terhadap sesuatu/seseorang tadi?
Juga dampak ke depannya, apakah itu baik, buruk, atau tidak berpengaruh alias netral?

Dulu, dan mungkin masih terjadi beberapa kali hingga sekarang, saya juga benci pada hal-hal tertentu sampai kadang saya benci seseorang tanpa sebab yang jelas
Dan ini aneh, karena coba deh, satu, orang itu belum tentu memang sengaja melakukan hal-hal yang kita benci, bahkan mereka bisa saja tidak tahu bahwa kita membencinya, dua, nggak ada angin nggak ada hujan kita tiba-tiba benci, lha yang salah dia apa kita? Hahaha
Memang perasaan itu agak abstrak, sulit didefinisikan dengan kata, sulit dikaitkan dengan logika (katanya)
Tapi coba deh kita telaah (hobi baru saya, menelaah hahaha, thanks to my debate coach back in high school!)
Eh tapi beneran, coba deh kita lakukan hal yang lebih, kali ini aja, sedkit mendalami kasus yang kita alami, sedikit aja, coba deh, luangkan waktu kalian untuk diri kalian sendiri, untuk perbaikan, untuk hal yang sesungguhnya memang akan membuat diri kalian lebih baik, trust me :D
And, daripada bingung, mending langsung aja deh ya
 saya akan memberikan contoh kasus kebencian yang melanda diri saya sendiri pada benda, mungkin orang yang dekat dengan saya sudah banyak yang tahu hehe
saya paling benci dengan sayuran, apapun namanya, bentuknya, asalnya, dan telah diolah dengan model apapun, kalau itu berasal dari sayuran, jawabannya cuman satu, NO WAY, never!

Hahahaha sayuran? iuhhhh X(
Nah, itu tadi premisnya
Sekarang, kita masuk ke alasan-alasan yang bagi saya logis akan mengapa saya tidak suka a.k.a. benci dengan sayuran, pertama, menurut saya rasanya pahit, nggak enak, dan kedua nggak makan sayuran pun nggak jadi masalah kok, saya tetap bisa dapat asupan nutrisi dan vitamin dari berbagai macam makanan dan minuman lainnya
 Itu yang ada di pikiran saya, dan nyatanya, sebenarnya, sejujurnya, sejujur-jujur dan sebenar-benarnya, saya hanya pernah makan 4 macam sayur di dunia ini : sawi, brokoli, daun singkong, daun papaya
Dan hanya karena makan 4 biji sayur yang tadi itu, saya bisa menyimpulkan bahwa semua sayuran lainnya itu tidak enak dan saya tidak mau memakannya apapun yang terjadi
Hahahaha, mungkin kalian bisa ketawa juga sekarang XD
Sempit sekali ya cara berpikir saya? Pesimis sekali ya? Nggak logis?
Iya, belakangan ini saya mulai berfikir bahwa hal itu konyol, terlalu skeptical
Tapi somehow saya tetap belum bisa menerima bahwa diri saya telah lama bersikap konyol dan skeptical, hmmm
Sampai suatu hari…
Saya makan lodeh, untuk yang pertama kalinya, isinya nangka muda, sebenernya asli pingin muntah (padahal baru liat doang) tapi… hey, YOLO!

So I tried… (nekat, secara anak Surabaya BONEK, Bondo Nekat hahaha)
Dan, setelah makan…. saya….saya masih hidup!!!
Dan btw, enak kali’ hahahhahaha rasanya lembut, kayak daging cacah gitu, nggak pahit sumpah!
Dan itu baru permulaan sih, selanjutnya saya coba lagi makan yang lain (karena usaha harus konstan men, nggak bisa nanggung-nanggung), yaitu kacang panjang (karena sesungguhnya ibu saya selalu masak sayuran setiap hari, tapi saya cuman liat aja, nggak pernah mau makannya)
Kali ini menunya adalah sayur asem, ada gambasnya juga sih, dan sesuatu yang mirip timun itu apa ya namanya? Saya lupa ahaha, yang jelas kalau gambas dan tetimunan tadi it’s ok, rasanya kaya air, nggak masalah, udah saya telan

Nah ini yang agak ragu, kacang panjang mennn #uhuk
Agak keras gitu, dalemnya ada biji-bijiannya, nein :’(
Tapi udahlah, sekali lagi YOLO!
Aku makan….
Dan saya kurang suka sih, tapi nggak ada masalah besar yang tiba, saya tetap hidup dan saya nggak muntah hahahahah, so, sebenernya nggak ada masalah sama sekali buat makan tuh sayuran
Tapi, kenapa saya tetap tidak mau makan ya sebelum ini? :O
Sepertinya saya tahu mengapa…
Karena saya takut dan saya negative thinking akan substansi tersebut (ealah bahasanya)
Well well, ini bisa dibawa jauh sekali menuju masalah kehidupan lainnya
Bisa jadi kebencian kita itu tadi nggak logis dan percuma men, bisa jadi malah masalah tadi sama sekali nggak ada
Contohnya, aku takut mual, takut muntah, takut mati gara-gara makan sayuran, padahal nyatanya malah belum pernah nyoba hahaha, dan setelah nyobapun, walaupun nggak suka, tetap tidak mati hahaha, tidak mutah dan tidak mual, the problem does not real, it just in our damn mind
Masalahnya tidak nyata, itu hanya ada dipikiran kita
Dan bagaimana dealing with problems yang ada dipikiran kita sendiri?
Nggak gampang kan tiba-tiba melupakan hal yang telah lama dipikiran kita, seperti tato, melekat
Nggak gampang kan tau-tau bisa suka hal-hal yang semula kita benci, apa kata dunia???
Well, ya emang nggak melulu kalian harus menyukai hal-hal yang semula kalian benci sih, sama halnya nggak melulu kalian harus membenci hal-hal from the very first time kan ya…
Kebencian itu hal yang normal, mengutarakannya juga normal, asal tidak anarkhi, misal yang paling marak tuh benci bawa-bawa SARA, yaelah, masih jaman aja nih, ngurusin diri sendiri aja belum tentu bener, eh malah bawa-bawa SARA orang lain, astaga, emang situ yakin kalau bakal pasti masuk surga?
Hahaha, sudah-sudah, balik lagi ke bagaimana dealing with pikiran-pikiran tadi
Oh tentunya begini, kalian harus paham dulu proses pemikiran (saya juga belum terlalu paham sih)
Begini, kalian tahu kan bahwa sebagian kejadian dalam otak kita terjadi dibawah kontrol kita? Alam sadar kita? Dan ini salah satu yang bisa kita atur
Menelaahlah seperti tadi, cari akar masalahnya, lalu turunkan sampai turunan terakhir dan tidak bisa diturunkan lagi, seperti rumus di kalkulus, sampai bentuk yang paling sederhana
Nah, setelah itu, kalian tahu kan masalahnya, masalahku tadi, karena takut, karena negative thinking
Dan itu adalah hal yang sekali lagi harus ditakhlukkan, so, aku melakukan actions, secara, YOLO (You Only Live Once -- in this world) jadi daripada penasaran kan ya, orang sayuran melimpah kok, cobainlah sesekali hehe
Dan setelah mencoba, Alhamdulillah nothing bad at all ^__^
Ya sapa tahu kan situ yang tadinya buenci banget akan suatu pelajaran atau insan tertentu sebenarnya alasannya karena negative thinking tadi, kita perlu cari solusi, karena membenci itu energy yang negative, nggak bagus buat hati kita, bisa-bisa kena sirosis :O
Kita boleh dan sah-sah saja tidak suka akan hal yang buruk dan negative, tapi apa iya kita cuman tidak suka saja? Lalu menghujat and do nothing?
Yaelah, nggak menyelesaikan masalah
Kalau itu memang buruk, pertama, yang jelas jangan ikut-ikutan, dan kedua, bilangin dong ke yang bersangkutan kalau itu buruk dan kamu juga nggak suka dia ngelakuin hal itu, dan kamu juga bisa memberi solusi dan contoh kayak apa sih yang baik, dan kalau hal itu tidak memungkinkan kamu lakukan sendiri, sekali lagi, minta tolong ke yang lebih berkapasitas, dan kalau itu masih juga belum mungkin terlaksana, ada kok satu lagi solusi dari kegalauan itu tadi (galau karena sebenarnya ingin menolong, namun apa daya …) yaitu..DOA, nah, ini nih yang pastinya bisa dilakukan oleh kita semua, yang ajeg, doain semoga si anak itu bakal kembali ke jalan yang benar, dan jangan benci dia, itu hanya akan menjadi penyakit di hati kita sendiri, tiada guna
Nah kesimpulannya, benci itu baik, buruk atau biasa aja, netral?
Kalau membenci dan membuat kita marah, tak mau silaturahmi, bahkan tak mau melihat si fulan ada di muka bumi ini, dan bahkan kalau bisa di fulan dihancurkan saja pakai nuklir, wah-wah, ini udah kelewatan bro, ini semacam hasrat psycho yang mulai tumbuh, widihhh, awas jadi dexter hahaha

Really guys and gals, like what my little cousin said : YOLO
Just go and do the best, life is too short to hate :*

PS: seringkali sesuatu sama sekali tidak seperti yang kita bayangkan, worst condition sih memang hal itu lebih buruk, tapi most of the times, it's never been that bad! it's a lot better!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Takhlukkan perasaan-perasaan negatif itu!

" I have doubts. I have such doubts".

- Sister Aloysius

Hal menarik lainnya yang akan saya bahas hari ini salah satunya adalah  keraguan

apa itu ragu? keraguan?

ragu : keadaan tidak tetap hati (misal dalam mengambil keputusan, menentukan pilihan, dsb); bimbang
 sangsi (kurang percaya)

keraguan : keadaan ragu; kesangsian; kebingungan; kebimbangan

Sekarang, apakah kalian pernah merasakan ragu? keraguan?

secara manusiawi, tentu saja semua orang pernah merasakan ragu dalam kehidupan mereka, ragu adalah hal yang wajar, karena dalam hidup ini, pastinya banyak sekali keputusan dan pilihan yang perlu kita ambil dan kadang memang harus kita ambil dengan segala resiko yang ada,
dan keraguan akan muncul karena banyak sebab, salah satunya karena ketakutan

banyak sekali keputusan-keputusan besar yang harus kita ambil dalam hidup, dan tidak jarang bahwa keputusan tersebut akan menentukan nasib kita tidak hanya di hari esok, namun jauh ke lima atau sepuluh tahun ke depan
dan bisa jadi kita sama sekali tidak tahu apa yang akan terjadi setelah kita menentukan keputusan kita tadi
sehingga keputusan kita terkesan seperti taruhan, dan yang dipertaruhkan adalah masa depan kita sendiri

wah, mempertaruhkan masa depan?
masa depan yang telah kita rancang dari jauh hari, bisa saja akan hancur dalam beberapa menit saja akibat keputusan yang kita ambil adalah keputusan yang salah

timbullah bayang-bayang gelap akan kemungkinan buruk yang akan kita alami jika salah dalam menentukan keputusan, belum lagi cerita dari kanan kiri akan pengalaman mereka yang pahit, yang malah menambah ketakutan kita akan salah ambil keputusan

alhasil, kita dipenuhi rasa ragu di dalam diri kita
sehingga kita sulit untuk menentukan keputusan yang akan kita ambil

lebih dalam lagi kita bahas, mengapa kita takut untuk mengambil keputusan tadi?
dari mana timbulnya rasa takut tersebut?

bisa jadi ketakutan itu timbul dari rasa kurang percaya diri

dan kalau diruntut lagi, mengapa kita tidak percaya diri?

jawabannya simple :

 karena kita belum atau bahkan tidak tahu sama sekali akan apa yang kita hadapi
karena kita belum atau tidak memiliki bekal pengetahuan yang cukup
karena kita merasa bahwa kita payah dan kita tidak akan berhasil
dan akan masih banyak lagi "karena-karena" yang lain yang akan bermunculan, "karena-karena" yang menjadi dasar dari rasa tidak percaya diri kita 
yang membuat kita menjadi takut dan ragu

kejadian buruk atau kegagalan di masa lalu juga bisa menyebabkan kita takut untuk mengulang hal yang sama, dan berujung pada keraguan
walaupun yang gagal bukan kita sendiri, cerita dari orang lain yang telah gagal pun akan menjadi momok bagi kita

namun, akankah kita berhenti dan menyerah pada seluruh emosi dan perasaan negatif itu tadi?

akankah kita stagnant pada level yang itu-itu saja?

apakah kita akan terus berjalan pada level aman saja?

kalau ya, maka kita tidak akan pernah tahu ataupun mengalami keberhasilan yang hebat 
bahkan kita tidak akan mengalami hal-hal yang baru dalam hidup kita

jika kalian tidak pernah melakukan eksplorasi, dan hanya melewati rute-rute yang sama setiap harinya, kalian akan selalu menemui lubang di jalan yang sama, tingkat kemacetan yang sama, mungkin orang yang sama dan situasi yang masih begitu-begitu saja
kalian tidak akan pernah tahu bahwa di ujung jalan yang lain ada restoran yang sangat enak lagi harganya terjangkau yang patut dicoba, kalianpun tidak akan pernah tahu bahwa toko di gang lain harganya lebih ekonomis
atau kalian tidak akan pernah bertemu gadis / perjaka oke di blok sebelah yang sebenarnya akan menjadi jodoh kalian di masa depan!

kalau kalian mau sesuatu yang baru, kalian harus berhenti melakukan hal-hal lama

kita lihat sedikit ke belakang
apakah kita pernah gagal sedemikian rupa?
dan apakah kita takut hal itu terjadi lagi?
bisa jadi
lalu, apa yang bisa kita lakukan untuk mengatasi hal tersebut?

belajar dari kegagalan

tentu saya juga pernah gagal, sebut saja soal nilai
yang seringkali menjadikan seseorang galau

ya, betul, sewaktu SMA, nilai saya buruk sekali, bahkan saya mendapat angka 5 di ijazah untuk mata pelajaran pokok, yaitu matematika
saya akui sewaktu itu saya sama sekali tidak pernah belajar matematika secara tekun dan saya selalu bergidik jika nama pelajaran itu disebutkan
saya sangat tidak suka matematika, saya benci hal itu
kalau saya bisa menghapuskan satu pelajaran di muka bumi ini, saya akan menghapuskan matematika
itu yang ada dibenak saya sewaktu SMA
dan benar saja, karena ketidak sukaan saya tadi, saya tidak pernah sungguh-sungguh hati untuk belajar matematika
berbagai program les matematika sudah saya ikuti, mulai kelas besar hingga privat
namun tidak ada yang bisa mengubah pandangan buruk dan sinis saya terhadap matematika
sehingga saya tidak pernah mengerjakan latihan soal yang telah diberikan guru saya
saya hanya menyalin dari papan tulis ketika soal itu telah terbahas, yang mana bahasannya pun sama sekali tidak saya mengerti
saya selalu mengatakan "masa bodoh dengan matematika"

dan saya tersadar ketika ujian tiba, saya sangat menyesal, mengapa saya tidak mau mencoba untuk belajar barang sedikit saja, supaya saya bisa mengerjakan soal matematika itu
jujur saja, dari 30 soal yang ada, saya hanya mampu mengerjakan sekitar 14 soal dan itupun saya tidak yakin benar, dan 16 lainnya? jangan ditanya, saya hanya asal tebak dan langsung saya lingkari di lembar jawabannya, karena saya sudah sangat putus asa

ketika hasil ujian diumumkan, nilai itu, nilai 5 di ijazah saya sangat memukul diri saya sendiri
apalagi orang tua yang sudah susah payah menyekolahkan saya dan membayar uang les tambahan yang mahal
rasanya saya ingin menghilang saja

dan setelah itu, saya yang telah mengalami hal pahit karena kesalahan saya sendiri tersadar
di bangku kuliah, saya mendapatkan pelajaran yang sama persis dengan yang saya dapatkan sewaktu SMA, matematika, dengan bab yang sama, dengan rumus yang sama, tiada beda

kali ini, saya tidak mau kalah lagi dengan pelajaran ini, cukup sekali saja seumur hidup

saya mulai membuka pikiran dan hati saya untuk belajar, saya dengarkan semua penjelasan dengan seksama, saya ikuti semua petunjuk dari dosen dalam pengerjaan soal, dan saya betul-betul mengerjakan latihan yang beliau berikan, saya juga mengerjakan tugas-tugas yang ada
dan tahukah kalian?
bahwa sebenarnya matematika bukanlah hal yang perlu ditakuti dan dibenci
matematika sangatlah mudah dan menyenangkan,yang malah membuat saya tertarik dan penasaran ingin mengerjakannya lagi dan lagi

saya mulai tekun untuk belajar dari awal, dan selalu mengerjakan soal-soal yang ada
alhasil, nilai saya A semua untuk pelajaran matematika, seperti kalkulus dan statistika

saya tidak pernah mengira bahwa ternyata saya bisa mengerjakannya dengan mudah
dan saya sedikit berpikir : andai saja sewaktu SMA dulu saya mau mencoba belajar dengan tekun
tapi sudahlah, penyesalan tiada akhir
lebih baik kita menatap kedepan, ke masa depan yang jauh lebih kritis dari yang mungkin kita bayangkan

nah, lalu apa yang saya lakukan setelah bisa menakhlukkan matematika tadi?
setelah saya berhasil mengalahkan ketakutan saya, saya punya misi bahwa saya ingin menolong orang dengan ketakutan yang sama, dengan kebencian yang sama

maka dari itu, saya memutuskan untuk menjadi guru matematika
pastinya ini tidak mudah dan saya terus menerus diliputi rasa takut dan ragu
namun saya harus melawannya
saya beranikan diri untuk melamar di beberapa LBB
dan jangan dikira mudah
di sana, selain wawancara, saya diminta mengerjakan latihan soal dan praktik mengajar matematika
wah, saya sangat takut dan saya sempat ragu akan kemampuan saya, di bangku antrian wawancara, saya sempat ingin melarikan diri

tetapi, kalau saya tidak mencoba, kapan saya tahu hasilnya?
akhirnya saya memberanikan diri saja, saya sudah mantap dan saya ambil resiko jikalau saya tidak lolos

WOW, saya diterima!

saya mengajar secara privat di beberapa LBB, saya mengajar matematika SD hingga SMA
sejauh ini murid saya sudah puluhan jumlahnya, dan mereka alhamdulillah sudah banyak yang lulus dengan nilai yang bagus dan sudah berhasil menakhlukkan ketakutan mereka akan matematika
selamat untuk kalian semuanya!

kalian tidak akan pernah tahu bahwa kalian ternyata bisa jika kalian tidak mencobanya, tinggalkan keragu-raguan, kegagalan kita di masa lalu bisa kita jadikan pembelajaran sehingga kita tidak melakukan hal-hal yang sama yang akan memicu kegagalan lain di masa yang akan datang, kita bisa melakukan terobosan baru yang siapa tahu akan mengantarkan kita kepada keberhasilan

dan keberhasilan tidak selalu diukur dengan hal yang rigid seperti uang, rumah, atau hal lain seperti keterkenalan,
keberhasilan itu bersifat sangat pribadi
dan salah satunya bisa diukur dari penakhlukan keraguan dan rasa takutmu ;)

nah, itu tadi sekilas cerita pribadi saya akan penakhukkan perasaan-perasaan negatif yang pernah terjadi di kehidupan saya
dan saya dapat melakukannya karena perjuangan, sama sekali bukan hal yang instan
dan perjuangan akan lebih mudah jika diiringi doa dan kalianpun harus konsisten, jangan berjuang yang setengah-setengah, kalau kalian mau hasil yang maksimal, tentunya semua yang dilakukan harus maksimal pula

dan ingatlah, tidak ada perjuangan yang sia-sia, sekalipun perjuangan kita belum membuahkan hasil, jangan berhenti, tetap berinovasi dan tetaplah termotivasi untuk berjuang, you never know how close you actually are!

now, let's conquer it!
takhlukkan perasaan-perasaan negatif itu, cari tahu mengapa kalian merasakan hal itu, telaahlah penyebabnya
setelah kalian tahu, buat strategi untuk menanganinya, jika kalian kesulitan, jangan ragu untuk meminta bantuan, karena sesungguhnya ada banyak sekali orang yang sangat peduli dengan kalian, tetapi karena kalian tidak pernah menceritakan masalah kalian kepada mereka, mereka tidak tahu bagaimana mereka bisa membantu kalian
maka ceritakanlah kepada orang-orang yang kalian percaya dan kalian sayangi, saya yakin mereka akan mau mengerti dan menolong kalian
dan siapa tahu akan ada kisah inspiratif dari mereka yang akan mendorong kita lebih kuat untuk berjuang!

semangat juang untuk kalian semua!

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